Drain

Sometimes the day drains me.The early morning alarm, urgent and insistent, 

to steal my dreams before the day has made up its mind. 

The long drive, full of music failing to mask the rising clamour of mail, phone and text.
The relentless passage of meetings, presentations, discussions and decisions, The motivating, the cajoling, the guiding, the occasional steely imposing of my authority. The responsibility of many eyes seeking direction.
The pace of the afternoon, the challenges, the opportunities, the brave victories, the sapping defeats. Success resting on a knife-edge. Before the journey home, the last of my energy slowly retreating from me.
I sip my juice and stretch out, long-limbed, weary, heavy-eyed, tired to the bone
Sometimes the day drains me.
I think of her and then smile.

30 Days of Truth - Day 7

Day 07 - Someone who has made my life worth living

I think worth comes from many things and as such, there are people that have made my life worth living. My baby brother, Elijah, and baby sister Mutinta have enriched my life so much. He loves talking, which gets on my nerves sometimes, but its one of the things I miss the most when I'm not home. He is way too mischievous. For instance, he threw batteries in a brazier to try and charge them, he won't be doing that again after that explosion. I have learned to appreciate how we all grow to become individuals. From the time I held him, I have always looked out for him and wanted to give him the best I can. Then there is the little princess who insists I call her my beautiful sister. She has a mind of her own at an early age and is quite dominant and stubborn (kaya whose genes). She is only four but trust me, she is a load to handle. These two will have their future relationships and attitudes on life shaped by my actions. I want to be the best brother I can be to both of them. My 2 close friends, Mulele and Bwalya are lunatics! but they have given me support when I was at my lowest. Without them I would have lost my mind. Oh and Regina and Chomba for encouraging me to write poetry.
Blue, for making me a better man. One that understands and treats women with respect

There's more but that is all I want to talk about now.

Not Today

I will not think of her today.
I have far too much to do.I will not think of her sitting opposite, 

her delicate fingers wrapped around a glass of juice. 

 And then her leaning back, capturing her hair, 

guiding it over one shoulder, baring her gorgeous throat.
I will not recall her laughter, bubbling up, 

making her eloquent brown eyes dance, 

and bringing an immediate smile to my lips.

I will not call to mind her voice, 

its honeyed sweetness and warmth 

so softly caressing me.I will not check my mail, nor my phone, now and again, 

just in case, on the off-chance, even knowing she cannot make contact.
I will not remember how she put her arms around my neck 

the last time we were out, in the town beside the road. 

I will not summon up the delicious frisson of that divine, intimate moment.
I will not remind myself that we held hands briefly, 

in my car, between my shifting gears.
I will not imagine her in a blue dress, 

the tight silky bodice highlighting her lovely breasts and tiny waist.
I will not remember her achingly perfect body beneath it.
I will not, will not, will not conjure up memories of that night …
I will not think of her today.
I have far, far too much to do.

I will miss her

I do not want her to go. 

I will miss her.I have never felt like this 

towards a woman who is not a lover before.
For she is not mine. She will never be mine again. 

Not for one borrowed, quiet, holy, sensual afternoon. 

Not for one stolen, sultry, breathless, decadent, velvet night. 

Not even for a long, heart-stopping, eloquent kiss.
If I hold her gently in an embrace it will be chaste and clothed, 

even with her beautiful, sweet head resting upon my chest.
Yet I have offered to her my total, unconditional, non-judgemental, non-physical friendship. 

A rare gift that I barely recognise let alone know how to bestow.. 

I usually fear the burden of dependence, the demands of alliance, 

the pressure of association, the discomfort of company, 

the weight of expectation of any friend. 

I am a solitary, self-contained creature, 

whose brave society skills hide a fierce isolated independence of spirit. 

I avoid duty and obligation.

But I want her to feel close. 

I want her to feel utterly at ease in my company. 

Not to fear me in any way. To trust me without question. 

To know that she is protected, safe, guarded, sheltered. 

To sense the cloak of my protection around her. 

To understand and be glad, and perhaps proud, that I am her guardian, 

her sometime companion, her occasional partner in small crimes, 

her now-and-again shoulder to lean upon, 

her meillieur ami, her confidant, her amigo, her chum.Her shirt-front to soak with tears. 

Someone with whom she can always laugh at the world.
I do not want her to go.
Yet however far away she is, 

however remote, however distant – 

even if we never meet again – 

I hope she will believe in the forever certainty 

of my genuine friendship and deep affection. .

Her smile

In the dark
my fingers found
the curve
of her smile.

It climbed
like the sun
across her face
and lit the night
as if it were day.

30 Days of Truth - Day 6

Day 06 - Something I hope I never have to

• Bury any of my children
• Take a life regardless of the situation
• Cheat on my wife
• Raise spoiled children

These are the main things I hope I never do

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

Day 05 - Something I hope to do in my life.

This should be changed to "somethings".

• First and foremost, I really want to get an Aston Martin Rapide. I know it's pricy (€270,000) but come on, we all have targets.
• I want to open my own bank and if that fails, a micro finance institution
• I hope to retire from active employment rather young.
• I hope to be done with the bulk of my education (BSc, MSc, MBA, CFA, etc before 30)
• Have 5 children (depending on wifey)
• Be an awesome dad, one that my children will look forward to seeing
• Visit the Tonga Islands.
• Open a Business College or University
• Watch the NBA, NFL and Rugby World Cup live
• List a company on the stock exchange
• Become fluent in Tonga, Lozi, Nsenga, French, Portuguese and Spanish maybe swahili too
• See the great pyramids
• Beat Mundia at MK 3 
• Visit the Bahamas, Hawaii
• Learn Kendo

Let's end here. Might spend the whole day writing stuff.

Dust

He wonders at what cost another betrayal?
After all, there is so much guilt already stored and racked, 

preserved like wine in that chilly cellar. 

Familiar labels attest to provenance and vintage. 

The bitter grapes of pointless affairs, 

doubtless sour to the palate after all these years. 

Yet they were so delightful on the tongue 

when lust and passion first pressed the juice from their fleshy skins.
Far too many bottles of treachery are stretched in countless rows, 

categorised by time and place, half-remembered lovers, 

and half-forgotten summers. 

And proof of sin.
All gathering dust in his dark soul.

Dark

I had thought to capture the moment,
however fragile or fleeting,
and feel it move between the palms of my hands.
Soft and silent, 

like a moth with wings fluttering–yet frightened
as it searches for light in the darkness of my skin