I know not

Am I the person I thought I would be ?
Am I the person I wanted to be?
Do I practice what I preach?
Am I a prisoner to what my mind would have me believe?

When will I change?
When will I grow?
When will I reap,
All which I sow?
I simply don’t know.

I sat here thinking about my day. It was an ordinary day. Work. Family. Coworkers. Friends. Avoidance. Musings. Thoughts. Trials. Dreams. Petty petty things… I have changed… not in the way I foresaw. I have become as bitter as the cold which surrounds me… I have become as ecstatic as the sunlight that nestles me... I shall elaborate. But now I simply don’t want to. I grieve for the me I lost, the one who gave up… i simply don’t know where he went… perhaps it was denial… I will find him and ask for his forgiveness… then I shall elaborate. Perhaps I should celebrate the me I have become... pity the old me and offer him no place... perhaps only perhaps... Until then…

I simply don’t know