Lost & mingled

Close enough to see, the withering reflection.
The ripples upon the mirrored surface.
Keeping up with our expectations.
Your expectations.
Who would listen if not you.
I stopped a long time ago.
The day, the hour, I don’t quite remember. I just know that I stopped.
It was easier that way.
Easier to go with you down that road.

Was it a lie?
Only to myself.

I walked away from you, with you.
I made the choice and now I don’t know how to retrace the steps.
I don’t know how to get you back.
Penance, apologies, prayers, tears… nothing works.
Even honesty…
perhaps it was cowardice which failed us…
I don’t remember.

The truth is I truly don’t remember the reason.
I remember lying,
fighting, trying to keep you quiet.
I remember it being easier to hide you.
Every week I let a piece of you go silent.
I let you follow and in turn I let you lose your voice..
I know you are here with me, watching and silent.

I know it is your voice which is silent,
though you shout out through the words.
It is a relief that they keep coming,
for when our words and thoughts mingle and I forget which it is which is speaking it makes me sad and happy. Who was speaking? Was it you or me?